In 2016 I will not…

1. get headaches from annoying people
2. bite my tongue when needed
3. send too many emojies to my mom to annoy her
4. read stupid facts about worthless knowledge I could have lived without
5. buy ANOTHER pair of gloves to replace all the rest I lose–give up already
6. lose ANOTHER cell phone charger-too many to keep count now
7. put up another Christmas tree without pre-lit lights (This one I’m sure of)
8. mow they grass after it rains
9. mow over an ant bed on a dry weather day
10. eat the dark grapes–I think something was alive in it (gave it to hubby)

New Year List of what not to do–#15

1. bath the dog that ate your fiance’s blueberry pie off her plate while standing idly in your parents kitchen-this happened to me
2. hang out with zombies–for it could happen, folks!
3. buy canned foods that have labels that list “unknown source”
4. wear these ridiculous emoji clothes with little brown plops of poop on them–I have a student who wears this weekly
5. make your much needed coffee in the break room during the Christmas party–someone will take it mistakenly thinking it was part of the goods

Top Ten Things to be Thankful For If an Idealist in this Crazy World #22

10. Venus Fly Traps (only 10 bucks on Amazon.  Really!)

9. gnomes-own tons of them-go ahead

8. pork brains–they are in a can in a store near you

7. sunglasses that double as a bottle opener

6. colored toilet paper-yes, it exists (look below)

5. scented duct tape

4. candy machine dispenser for your kitchen

3. Spam and more Spam (my grandfather lived off it in WW2-no thank you)

2. Bacon flavored mayo

1. tofu flavored hot dogs (yep!)